I recently went through a divorce. To say it was an unpleasant experience is putting it mildly. I languished in depression for quite a while with consequences for my health and wealth. I felt like the whole thing was an ugly and immoral process with the only people benefiting being the lawyers. In the beginning of March I started to turn around slowly, but by that time I was broke, my waist had ballooned to 41 inches and I had no work. Not a good place to start from. However, in retrospect, when you are going through hell, sometimes it's appropriate to be depressed. You're allowed to be sad when you lose your kids, your dreams of a life together with someone you've loved for 20 years.
The truth is that the dream didn't just evaporate over night: it deteriorated over quite a long time. As my ex and I aged we changed and our dreams got out of sync and we no longer saw eye to eye. It got to the point where I dreaded coming home after work and would work all the hours that God gives to avoid her. I'm sure she was relieved too. Things deteriorate and fall apart if you don't maintain them and the damage that has been done has been astronomical to me, to her and to our four beautiful daughters. In terms of this very important life goal, I have failed.
Relationships often underlie our goals, dreams and desires and need to be given the attention that they deserve. Going through this ordeal has got to be the worst possible way to learn this. I am going to pay a lot of attention to relationships, friendships, family and people from now on. If you want a family home with happy kids running around, full of laughter and joy, it's critical to ensure that your other half is happy. It's just as critical for you to be happy in the relationship so you have to make sure that you give your other half feedback. If you get to the point where you are being unfairly dominated and pushed around after talking, get a councillor or tell your partner that there are consequences for this behaviour. I think the only thing worse than divorce, in terms of a relationship, is staying with someone who makes you feel terrible.
So, after all this I have crawled out of hell, and am back on track for living a fun, happy life. I have been back at gym for 8 weeks and have lost an inch off my waist! However, I've also gained an inch and a half on each thigh from lots of squats, lunges and dead-lifts. I've actually gained weight from gym while losing fat, which I think is a good thing: I certainly feel a lot better about life. Note to self: when in a relationship, talk, listen and love. It is not enough simply to love someone: in order to keep in sync with each other, you need the channels of communication to be wide open.
Communication is key and learning and applying this is going to be a fun ride for me as I tend to prefer my own company. When you are in any kind of team, it's important to keep the goals and visions the same so that you can remain united. It's also important to communicate to make sure we're all on the same page and as happy as possible. So, life has been rebooted for me and my chip has been upgraded by an unpleasant experience. Time to move on...
